If Heart Surgery Were Performed In Second Life

Okay, I goofed up when I sent out my supposedly explanatory notecard to all of my friends about the upcoming procedure to be done on my heart. I repeat yet again: it is not a life-threatening condition, nor is the procedure especially risky. Also, it's happening on Thursday, April 8, 2010.

So I was clarifying this information for someone for the umpteenth time and thinking that I really need to learn how to write more effectively, the thought occurred to me: what if I were able to get this procedure done in the world of Second Life?

The results would likely be as follows:

If heart surgery were performed in Second Life...
...the entire inventory of pre-op sedatives and peri-op general anesthesias would disappear, only to reappear with half the stock missing. The surgery would still happen on schedule, only without general anesthesia, because it would be the patient's responsibility to make sure supplies were 'backed up.'

If heart surgery were performed in Second Life...
...the operating room and all the equipment in it would not fully rez until the surgery was half over, and the patient would still be a glowing nebulous blob. The surgeon would be visible only as a featureless gray outline with only his unnaturally large penile attachment, his blingy wristwatch, and his hair rezzed.

If heart surgery were performed in Second Life...
...the poseballs for both surgeon and patient would get out of sync, so that the surgeon was operating instead on the patient's left patella (who would be floating in mid-air) until the surgeon hit 'RESET' in the blue pop-up menu section...at which point both patient and surgeon would have to climb back on the poseballs and start the operation from the beginning.

If heart surgery were performed in Second Life...
...then in the middle of the operation, the operating room and hospital would lag so badly that the entire hospital would have to restart.

If heart surgery were performed in Second Life...
...just as the surgeon was getting ready to close the incision, the viewer would crash, and while the patient lay in the operating room bleeding to death, the surgeon would be on the phone to Linden Labs trying to explain that he couldn't get his viewer to restart, while the 'Customer Service Representative' would ask him repeatedly in a phony British accent if he had the latest viewer installed.

AND FINALLY:
If heart surgery were performed in Second Life...
...at the end of the surgery, the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, the attending surgical nurses, and the patient would all engage in a massive orgy, and then everybody would AFK and BRB.