...And Now For A Completely Different Attitude...

I don't know about anyone else, but I get really tired of being bombarded with the super-strong smells of scented holiday candles, with names like "Hot Cocoa," and "Sugar Cookie," and "Apple Pie," and so on. I have to change my clothes after a visit to the mall, because otherwise I can smell it on myself for the rest of the day. Not coincidentally, I'm not fond of perfumes, colognes, cigarette smoke, cooking beef, or incense, either. And I love flowers that don't have discernible scents. But that's me.

Now, I also have to admit that I have a decidedly Grinch-y attitude about the whole Christmas thing, and I am talking about the Grinch who STOLE Christmas, not the Grinch who gave it back again. And I also have a hyper-sensitive sense of smell. I'm the woman, after all, who has insisted her whole life that skunk spray doesn't really smell bad. Frankly, I think it smells almost identical to the air outside (and maybe inside, for all I know) of mint distilleries. But I digress.

So back to the whole scented candle thing. It's cheesy. Buy your own goddamn oils and add 'em to cheapy little tea candles if you want stinky candles. That's what I do, and it's a helluva lot cheaper and a lot less obnoxious because I'm not making the whole world smell 'em first.

With that in mind, I think I'm going to start a counter-scented-candle revolution. I'm going to open a candle store, and call it "Scentsual Nightmares." I'm going to sell candles with names like "Wet Dog," and "Cat Butt." Maybe "Rotten Onions," and "Burnt Garlic,"-- or "Ripe Roadkill," for the catchy "R" alliteration. I'm also fond of "Pig Shit," and "Rat Piss."

Happy Fucking Holidays.